That's Me

That's Me

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Alien Babies, Mermaid Voices, and a Little Bit of Insanity

I was in class when my wonderful instructor--if you're new here, click here--volunteered me to be The Dummy. The Dummy is my nice way of saying that inexperienced nursing students get to practice on a real, live, oxygen breathing, blood pumping, sweat pouring human. You don't always want to be The Dummy, but sometimes it doesn't suck.

I sat on the hospital bed and watched as 5 drooling students gathered around me, wringing their hands, glint in their eyes, look of excitement at a new skill about to be learned. I looked over at my instructor to see that look of sucker on her face.


So I got poked, prodded, squeezed, and tortured. Just another day in class. When I told her that they would have to work around my back brace, she made a comment about it being like a corset.

Another student said, "She's wearing it to keep the aliens from implanting in her."

Best Instructor Ever looked at her and asked, "Wouldn't that be an aluminum foil hat?"

The first student looked back and said, "No, not a foil hat. You wear this corset with foil in it around your lower back and belly because it prevents implantation..."

Best Instructor Ever looked back at me and I nodded. She looked at the other student who just looked at her. Best Instructor Ever looked back at me and asked why I was agreeing with her.

I asked her flatly, "Would you want an alien baby in you??"

Best Instructor Ever looked back at the first student who simply said, "See?"

Then she looked back at me and I nodded, to which she looked at the other students and said, "She's going along with this as if it's real."

I said, "It's very real." She made a comment about me being too serious about it and why wasn't I laughing.

She looked between the 2 of us sadly nodding at her and clearly did not know whether she should laugh, tell us to knock it off, or back slowly out of the room. After a few seconds of us going back & forth with stories and explanations, Best Instructor Ever finally laughed at us. The rest of the students laughed nervously, quite unsure if that was the appropriate reaction around 2 obviously unstable classmates.

I've decided I'm going to knit myself a scarf with foil weaved into it to wear to the next lab we have together. You know, so the aliens can't take my voice and I end up walking around like the Little Mermaid, silently forming words to the Love of My Life.

At least the hair color is right. 

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