I'm thinking of a certain person who used to be in my life. I will call her #1 Victim, because she sure likes to act like one, & because it's not necessary to censor it like what I would prefer to call her. I have worked hard to remove her from my life because of all the negativity she brought to it. Every single thing was drama and making other people look bad.
If someone else was going through something major--good or bad--she would twist an actual event of her own to make it something more traumatic to take the light off of them. When I had my oldest, she claimed she was sick with gonorrhea (I've always wondered, of all the things to fake being sick with, why an STD). When I had #4, she claimed she had breast cancer (she had had a routine mammogram, no breast cancer). When my cousin got married, she came into the reception late, not appropriately dressed, & crying about her traumatic hospital stay (she'd had a tetanus shot that morning). I could go on & on with all the illnesses, near death experiences, & diagnoses she has had over the years. The best part is, when it's time for the next trauma (because someone else is celebrating something), she's forgotten about the last 1, never to mention it again.
Woe to the person who doesn't give her the attention she seeks because suddenly she has a story of how they have done her wrong & there you go, she's a victim again.
Frankly, she's a miserable person and she wants others to be miserable too.
Here's a fun story: When I got engaged, I listened to my mother when she said it would be nice if I asked #1 Victim to be my Maid of Honor, maybe it would bring us closer. So I did. And she accepted. Then, a week before the wedding, she told me she wouldn't stand up in the wedding if her kids weren't also in it. I already had 6 kids in the wedding, 6 kids that I had to make sure did what they were supposed to do. I didn't want to add to that. Hubby & I had already decided that it would just be the 6 kids, we didn't need more. I told her this. She threw in that her son has autism. I asked her what that had to do with her being in the wedding. She knew he had autism before she accepted the position, why does it matter now? After she pulled out of my wedding, she wrote a long post about how I said "why does autism matter" & hurt her. Didn't tell the whole story or how I was asking why it mattered in this case. She also said I kicked her out of my wedding when, in fact, I begged her not to do that to me a week before my wedding. So now suddenly I had other family members believing that I said callous things about autism, kicked her out of the wedding, & am generally a horrible person. I was left with no one wanting to hear the truth of the story.
That was what lead me down the road to where I am now. The Road of Less Toxic People. On this road one day I decided I wasn't going to allow her to make me miserable anymore. I cut off contact. I didn't get her address from anyone when she moved. I didn't give her mine (but someone else did, boo). I blocked her number so I never had to hear another voicemail or read another nasty text. I blocked her on Facebook. I didn't talk about her; when others did, I let them say their piece & then I changed the subject. I haven't read her blog in years. Because if I am not allowing her in my life, I am not allowing her to hurt me. I was hurt for too many years by this woman's words & I was going to do what I could to get away from it.
What could she have done to me that was worth no longer being acknowledged as a member of my family? 'Cause you know it didn't stop at refusing to be in my wedding & calling me a horrible person who doesn't care about autism. She has tried her hardest to tear my family apart.
She called CPS claiming my then-fiance was molesting my daughter, he was controlling me, my kids were scared of him, I was hooked on narcotics, & we drank to excess around the children on a regular basis. The day before my wedding, CPS and the police showed up at my door. It was a nightmare. I was getting ready for my rehearsal dinner & someone was trying to ruin marriage before it happened.
CPS came in, talked to us. I offered to show them my prescription for the Vicodin but they said the kids had cleared that one up by saying I'd just had major surgery. There was no need to prove it; the kids' statements, all matching each other & ours, were enough. They told us the kids said they only ever saw my now-hubby drink beer once at our 4th of July party, but that they'd never seen either of us drunk. I offered the agents to look around my home for alcohol, they said it wasn't necessary because the children said we didn't have any in the house, we never went to bars & came home drunk, & just talking to us they could tell it was ridiculous.
As for the other claims, the kids had told them none of them were scared of him, they all loved him, said how I am stricter than he is, how it was laughable that he is anything close to controlling of me because he doesn't have that kind of personality. The agents said it was pretty telling that each of them said the exact same things even though they were questioned separately & then we said the same things.
The molestation...yeah, that was a fun claim to hear.
All of it was thrown out with no basis.
This woman put me through hell and scared my children, all because she wanted to make me miserable.
What else? Oh, yeah, she found someone just as miserable as she & they joined forces to try to ruin my life. She went on to tell hubby's ex all of these things were true & the ex tried to use them in court as a reason to get the kids away from us. Well, someone's not too bright there, to try to use claims that were originally thrown out.
This woman has joined forces with that lousy no-good ex in attempts to get all 6 children away from us. She has sided with the ex in the hopes that all the court dates, all the CPS calls, all the stress would tear us apart as a couple. She has worked to have my children removed from my home. She has concocted stories about my extreme negligence and drug abuse. She has taken many, many things in my life and said it was all lies--like, I don't go to nursing school, I make it all up--& concocted stories for "proof", for example, saying that hubby told his ex the "truth" about my "lies". Which is hilarious in its own right, because the guy does not ever tell her anything personal, no matter how much she has begged him to. Stories of my drugged out self abusing and neglecting my children have been shared via CPS agents, police reports, & court cases. These 2 women have utilized every agency they could think of to get someone to listen to what a horrible mother I am.
I have been through investigations & court cases. I have had the ex, along with the help of #1 Victim, question every single part of my life, including calling my doctor. You know what, every single time, her cases are thrown out & it is once again shown to these 2 monsters that I am who I say I am. Not 1 person has found anything but a great mother who does everything in the world for her kids. I couldn't have fooled all those people, all these years. One of them would have found something by now. Or the "spy" they've got following me around & sitting outside my fence to take pictures & listen to conversations. Surely the spy is bored watching me not beating my children, not screaming at them, & letting them eat.
Yet #1 Victim had the balls to post on Facebook about how horrible it was that I came to the state she lives in & didn't visit. Oh, poor her. Again.
Wake up, people. Why would I visit the woman who has wanted to take everything that I love away from me?
Besides, even if she wasn't one of the most vile people I've ever known, I don't have a clue where she lives in Florida. Florida is a large state. I have no idea if she was within minutes of our resort or hours 'cause, again, I have no clue where she lives. Yeah, I could have called & asked if she was close to Orlando, but check out the previous paragraph for a good reason to not do that.
I choose not to be exposed to the woman who has put me through hell for the past almost-4 years (what she put me through before that was not hell, that was just drama with hurt thrown in), not to put myself anywhere near her toxicity or be in the presence of the person who wants to destroy my life...but she's the victim.
For a long time I put up with her crap. Then one day I thought, "If she wasn't family, would I put up with this?" The answer was, & still is, no. So bye-bye.
|Life is better when you|
remove toxic people.
The best part of all is that the people who believe she is the victim with me are other family members who have been on the receiving end of her crap & been made out to look like the bad guy. Like the cousin who has a daughter that was hired as a nanny for the summer by #1 Victim. That ended very badly with the teenage girl suddenly being told she was no longer needed & they were ending the employment early. The girl was dropped off at a large airport to navigate her way around on her own, while her mother was states away scrambling to find a way to pick her up at the airport she was flying into. Yet the story got turned around by #1 Victim to make it look like the teenage girl & her mother wronged her instead. I didn't believe #1 Victim's story & I was a sounding board for my cousin when she'd get angry at #1 Victim so she could vent about it. But now that cousin believes that I'm the bad guy.
Each & every one of my family members has been bad mouthed by this woman. Not one person has been safe. I have never believed her. I knew she was a drama whore who made up crap to get attention & be a victim. Some of those family members don't even know what #1 Victim has said about them, but I never once believed her or let it get in the way of my relationship with my aunts, uncles, or cousins. But now that I'm The Bad Guy, no one is in my corner. I've had all their backs, defending them to her, not believing any of it, but for the last 2 years I've been on my own while they "poor you" her.
Tell me, do you know anyone that could survive nursing school while strung out on drugs? Now add health issues, 6 children, kids all in different directions with sports & other activities, & a hubby with crazy insane working & school hours. Could that be handled with success while strung out? Now make that nursing student a 4.0 & tell me if all of that is possible without a fully functioning & alert brain?
And finally, I have a message for these 2 women who wish to tear my family apart. I know they are reading this, because they enjoy reading my blog & discussing it. (Which cracks me up because if I don't care about someone, I'm not going to take time out of my busy day to read about their life. And if I don't like someone, I'm not going to want to read about anything that they do because it doesn't bring anything positive to my life. It shows how much they are obsessed with me that they just can't help themselves & have to know what I'm doing.) My relationship with my husband has only gotten stronger & I promise that you will never get between us. Stay out of my family's business & quit scaring 6 children with threats of being taken away from us.
To hubby's ex: Before you, I had never met someone so deadset on tearing a couple apart for no other reason than pure jealousy. Get over him. Get over the fact that I'm happy with him.You'll be much happier once you realize that your happiness is not dependent on what guy you're with or what I am doing with my man. The harder you fight to show what a horrible, abusive, neglectful mother I am, the more you show everyone the kind of mother you are.
To the woman that was once my family member: It took me a long time to realize that my question of "what did I do to deserve this" does not need to be asked. You know why? Because I know the answer: nothing. I did nothing to you but love you through everything. I no longer love you. I don't hate you either. I pity you. Only someone who is deeply miserable would ever do such horrible things to another person.