That's Me

That's Me

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Ghost Hunters & Homework

At some point this evening I fell asleep on my big pile of textbooks. I was trying so hard to stay awake & stay focused on what I was reading. I really was. One second I was reading about hemoglobin & bilirubin, the next I'm waking up with a highlighter stuck to my head.

Not sleeping more than 10 hours total all of last week, being on an emotional roller coaster, and having to throw myself into school overdrive this week, has all caught up with me.

Or else the half a box of Girl Scout cookies I ate was laced with Ambien. Which, if you know anything about the tricks we play on each other in this house, is entirely possible.

I survived my dream to be able to tell you: Do not ever, under any circumstances, fall asleep with the TV on if your TV is set to auto-tune to Ghost Hunters. I'm not kidding. And it's only made worse by copious amounts of studying, getting your hair done earlier in the day, & talking to your stylist about your daughter's plans for prom & the loveliness of small town rumor mills (not that one has to do with the other--my daughter's prom plans are not rumor subjects).

I promise you, you will become a part of the hunting team. You will travel with them to a house where a father will tell you to save him because his little girl believes she's being chased every night by "Abigail" but that Dad doesn't believe it & he just wants to be able to sleep without his kid waking him up every night. You will be looking for a ghost girl named Abigail. You will call her Gina, Dana, and Lily because you can't remember the name Abigail & Jason will threaten to send you to the ghost world & not bring you back if you don't get the name correct. (Dude, he's cranky when the cameras aren't on him.) You will have to rescue Grant when the ghost pops up out of a big soup pot in the middle of a play room & tries to eat him. Steve will tell you he doesn't like your new haircut & because you had your stylist put 3 colors  (instead of just 2) in your hair today, he could never love you. This will make you cry & beg him to take you to prom because you simply cannot show up without him because the whole town will talk. While you're crying & begging him, the ghost girl will be yelling at you to shut up because you're taking the attention away from her. The ghost girl will get angry & call you names that will cause the Ghost Hunter men to stand still, stare, and say, "Wow, I didn't know ghosts knew those words." As you're being chased by a ghost girl who doesn't realize she's not supposed to eat humans, being yelled at by Jason, & crying from a broken heart, you will trip & hit your head. Jason will yell at Grant, "Save the erythrocytes pouring out of her foramen magnum so that she doesn't develop diabetes mellitus & her hypothalamus continues with her anaerobic respiration!"

I can't lie, Steve, that hurt. 

Yeah. A person can't make this up. Not while they're awake anyway. 

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