That's Me

That's Me

Friday, February 24, 2012


I really don't know why I bother looking at recipes. I always think, "Oh, that looks so good! I'mma make that bad boy."

Then what I do is not even close to follow the recipe. I get this from my Mother. She'll tell me about a recipe she saw in a magazine & how good it was when she made it & she always says something like this, "But I used chicken instead of veal...and I didn't have white wine so I used chicken stock...and I didn't want bacon in it so I used beans...and mozzarella sounded better than cheddar...and I didn't have that seasoning so I used..."

So, basically, Mom you made up a bunch of stuff & called it dinner because a picture in a magazine made you hungry?

In her defense, very rarely does it turn out badly. My Mom's an amazing cook. I'm told I am too. Maybe it's because we don't follow recipes?


Today I wanted lamb roast. So I go to Mrs. Google for advice & she appears with this wonderful recipe that made my mouth water. This is the conversation I had with myself as I made the roast following this recipe...

"Self, you have way too much homework to be sitting here searing a roast, so don't. Okay, I will skip that part of the recipe. Self, you also were supposed to slow roast this for 8 hours & you only have 6 hours till the vultures demand to be fed again...ah, shucks, 8 hours is just a suggestion, it'll be fine in 6. Juice of one lemon? Crap, I have lime juice in a cute little limey bottle that I'll just squirt till it looks like, that looks like the amount that would get squished out of a real lime, it's all good. Chicken stock. Crap! Garlic...where's all my damn garlic? Oh, yeah I used the last 4 cloves in the spaghetti the other night...that made us stinky but it was worth it...but now I have no garlic. I have red onions though. There, that works. Now what do I do about the chicken stock? Oh, hey, there's a bottle of Paul Newman Caesar Dressing...sure, why not? Bake at 250? Heck no, this sucker's going in at 300 'cause I'm a rebel."

Not the first time I have done this. In fact I can't remember a time I ever looked at a recipe & didn't think, "But it would be so much better with...."

We'll have to see how my lamb roast turns out tonight. If it's a hit I'll have to make everyone sad by telling them it's a one of a kind & I have no idea how to duplicate it. If it's gross...ah, well, I can always indignantly tell the vultures, "If you don't like my dinner, from now on you can cook for yourself!" I can guarantee they'll all suddenly love it.
If it tastes like this, I'm blaming Grandma & going to Pizza Hut.

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