That's Me

That's Me

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Just Call Him Penguin

I'm in Anatomy & Physiology this semester. It's a version of the class for like, smart people or something. Don't know how I got into it. Apparently this is taught at a faster pace than other A&P classes & 50% of the students fail the first time they take it. Uh...the first time they take it.

That means they are taking it again. 

'Cause it's so hard they didn't pass the first time. 

In case you needed help with that.

No one in this house will let me write the body cavities on their bodies so I can study on a live model. 
What is so horrible about having your wife or mother write on your body with a black Sharpie? Seriously, it's in the name of science, people. Do they not want me to pass this course? If I get any questions wrong, they will have to carry on their conscious forever, the fact that they could have prevented it. Forever, I say! 

It's not like I'm asking for a scalpel so I can research more in depth on them. That's what cadavers are for. Geez, people. Just lay down in your shorts or bloomers & let me write on you.

It's one thing to see it on paper in a text book but entirely another to see it on a moving person. And to see it on several moving people...yeah, that's totally an A student's thinking right there. I've got all sorts of different shaped models right here in my home, just taunting me.

If they'd only let me mark them with black Sharpie. Oh, well, I do know where they sleep. 

Last night I had Boy Teenager in my hands & was forcing convincing him that he wanted to be marked up. As he was fending me off stating his reasons he didn't want to be written on, I was asking if he knew where this or this was. "Guess what your buccal is." "How 'bout the brachial?" He was pretty good & even while he struggled to get free had his mind on other things, he was able to get some of the answers correct. He was thisclose to not being able to get away from me seeing my side of things when I said the magic word that changed the course of the night. 

Perineal. He asked me what it was. 

Ahem, well...dear son, it's the space between your scrotum & your anus. Short & to the point is the only way to say something like that. And that is exactly the point when he shot straight up out of my arms like he had a jet pack on. Straight towards the ceiling, up over my head, his legs spinning in circles the entire time he was in the air, did a complete flip in the air, landed on his feet, and since his legs were already spinning he hit the ground literally running. It was awesome to see. Took my breath away it was so amazing.

But aha, I'm taller than him & I have Monkey Arms, so I was able to grab him again. The closest thing to me was not a Sharpie. It was Icy Hot. 

As I squirted the Icy Hot onto my hand, I held onto Man Child who was squirming away from me...which might I add that it's not easy to hold onto a wiry teenager who knows more wrestling moves than I do while squeezing a tube of thick goo onto my hand; props to me for that right there...I have to preface the rest of this story with when you have Icy Hot on your hand & a boy that deserves punishing for a reason you have yet to name, you just reach for whatever is closest.

I got his left gluteal. 

Don't worry. It was nothing kinky, he was dressed. Wait...does that make it better or worse that I somehow got Icy Hot on his butt cheek? 

Either way, I can tell you from the look on Son's face that Icy Hot on the butt cheek is not enjoyable. But it sure was for all of us standing in the kitchen watching him. The best part was watching him waddle into the bathroom, holding his sweat pants out from his butt, for a shower.

Just to prove I'm not a completely horrible Mother, I didn't take pictures. Even though I wanted to. I really, really wanted to. But I didn't 
have my camera close enough want to be totally evil. I mean, sometimes I do take a break from evil. So I'll just leave you with this as the image of last night...                                                 source

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