Is That a Geoduck in Your Pocket or Are You Just Happy to See Me?

Have you heard of Geoducks?

I hadn't until a friend told me that she ate one. I just nodded as if I had even the slightest clue what she was talking about because yo, that's how I roll. Plus, I thought she was talking about some new breed of duck that is better for the environment. Like, their farts don't mess with the ozone like cow farts do. 

Somehow I mistook geo for eco. Honest mistake, right? 

But I figured, hey, I'll just look it up later & see what kind of eco friendly, green loving, hippy happy duck it is. How hard could that be? It's a damn duck, for pete's sake, not rocket surgery. 

Well...

not only did I make a mistake on the geo/eco part, but also on the duck part. The first mistake was mine, clearly eco is nowhere in the name. But duck is most definitely in the name, so I think they named this thing just to mess with me. 

Not only that but there are some cruel chefs out there feeding it to unsuspecting customers. 

This, my dears, is a geoduck...

Source

When I first saw this thing, I figured someone had named it something else but over the years, the i in the word got changed to a u. That's the only explanation for how this thing got called a geoduck.

That is not a duck. That is not even an acceptable food source. That...is...a...

penis. 

A very large penis, actually. 

I'm pretty sure a donkey was walking along the beach & dropped his penis & then the ocean tide went over the penis & the penis ended up floating way out to the ocean & because of its weight, the penis sunk to the bottom of the ocean & got stuck inside of a clam, deep in the seabed. Then a fisherman scooped it out of the ocean & sold it for a few clams (see what I did there?) to a stupid chef who laughed & laughed at this geoduck that looks like a penis stuck in a clam. 

Which is exactly what it is. 

Poor donkeys walking around without their boy bits. 

Now you know what a geoduck is.