That's Me

That's Me

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Proof That I Do Indeed Live in the Middle of Nowhere

Driving home from school one day, I decided to take a different route to see if it was faster. Since I'd never gone that route before, but I knew of its existence, I needed my Helga to guide me. Unfortunately my Helga wasn't understanding the type of assistance I needed from her. 

My Helga is my GPS. 

She is an idiot. 

Here I am, following her directions, when suddenly there is a detour. For 15 minutes my Helga kept "recalculating" & telling me I was going the wrong way. I may or may not have thrown my Helga across the truck at one point. 

Well, my Helga suddenly didn't like  yelling helping me anymore & instead announced, "You do not have GPS service in this area." She did it on purpose. Just went into hiding when I needed her the most. I'm on a road I've never been on, in an area I know nothing about, & my Helga abandons me. My Helga landed somewhere face down in a back seat.  

After 10 minutes of driving this way, I hear my Helga saying she was back on. I pulled over to climb into the back seat & dig my Helga out of the bag that I found she had landed in. I look at my Helga & this is what I see:

I had never before seen
such a blank screen on a GPS.

I looked to my right: corn fields. That's the green stuff. I looked to my left: a quarry. That's the white stuff. There was not another road for miles. This screen is a great depiction of what I was surrounded by, but not of the icy fear I felt in my heart. 

I was scared.

But I wasn't scared enough, some odd god decided, because the detour signs suddenly disappeared. I am now lost, with wavering GPS signal, in an area I've never been in, no clue of what city I was in, surrounded by corn fields & rumbling machines in quarries (which I know where driven by the undead), no houses in sight. I was terrified. 

I felt like I was setting the scene for a Stephen King movie. 

Do you need more proof that I truly do live in the middle of nowhere?

A few minutes later I turned onto another road. Here's what my Helga showed for that one:
That's even worse.

And let me tell you, that's exactly what it looked like for real. I was now surrounded by a quarry on both sides of me, no houses or roads anywhere in sight. Just big machines being driven by undead quarry workers waiting for me to run out of gas so they could have me for dinner.

I love that in the middle of
nowhere, while I'm terrified,
there is a road named Lovers
Lane. With no houses on it.

I did finally get out of the Land of Quarries. And I'm alive. I can't say the same for my Helga. 

No comments:

Post a Comment

Come on, spill what you're thinkin'...