Too Tense

My new doctor ordered me to get a massage. How awesome is that? I was basically given a prescription for a massage. Of course, being the ever-obedient patient that I am, I scheduled one that day. I mean, I take my doctor's orders seriously.

I went to get my massage today. She talked to my doctor about my issues & knew why I was being "ordered" to get this done. And I have to say it was the most enjoyable prescription I've ever filled. And that includes narcotic prescriptions after my surgeries.

For a full hour I was treated to essential oils, soft zen music, and candles as the only light in the room. I had warm wet towels on my face, chest, hands, and feet. And I had no school work, no work, no kids, no noise, no thoughts of a to-do list. It was bliss. And now I want to kiss my doctor for that prescription.


I was telling hubby how she was in awe of my tense muscles. I don't do anything half-assed. I figure if I'm going to do something, I might as well do it big. So of course I'm going to have very tense muscles. Why would I only have slightly tense muscles, right?

I was told I am too tense.

So as I'm telling him about my massage, I'm reminded of a joke. It's the typical stupid joke that little kids tell.

Me: What did the teepee say to the doctor?

Hubby: What?

Me: I'm two tents.

Hubby: blank stare, no smile, no "you're such a dork," nothing.

Me: ...waiting...

Hubby: Ha ha, that's good. (still no smile or making fun of me)

Me: Get it?

Hubby: Sure. Toots. Funny.

Me: What are you talking about? Like, fart toots?

Hubby: blank stare

Me: (drawing a tent figure with my hands) Two tents. It's a teepee. Indians. Teepee. Tents. Get it?

Hubby: Oh! Ha ha (smile) I thought you said 'toot ens' 'cause you said t.p. Like toilet paper, t.p.

Me: What the hell is toot ens? What is wrong with your head?

Sometimes he should just nod & smile because there are times I really don't want to know what he's thinking.