I Got A Whole 24 Hours To Be Me, No Children, No Homework

My church had their first annual ladies retreat from Friday to Saturday. It was a scrapbooking event...I love my church ladies, but dude, scrapbooking! A whole 24 hours away from my home & school work to scrapbook?? An evil clown or something with wings & feet  (my worst nightmares) could have hosted the event & I would have been there. Okay...maybe not.

Truth be told I love these women like sisters. In fact one of them is known by everyone as my little sister & introduced me to her now-husband as her big sis...and her mother is my "sister" too...don't try to figure that out, your head will explode.

A whole 24 hours with a group of women who are  involuntarily  lucky enough to be considered family by me & have been through some very dark times with me & held my hand on the way to brighter days...heck yeah, I'm in!

So I drag one of the BFFs with me 'cause you know, she needed to feel the love too. So now not only am I surrounded by SCRAPBOOKING, "FAMILY", but now a BFF?? Whoa, when did I hit the jackpot? Seriously.

I had so much fun that I put myself in charge of making sure this really is an annual event & not just them saying "first annual" to mess with my ever loving head. I've messed with theirs so much, I wouldn't blame them if that was the plan. But ha, joke's on them 'cause  I brainwashed them into  helped them decide to book the place for next year. So it's gotta happen. And they should fear angering me. 

A few things were to be learned in those 24 hours.

Lesson #1: No one likes it when you tell them the bathroom is haunted. They were so scared their eyes rolled & they walked away from me. Every time I brought it up! That's scared, yo. I got locked in the bathroom TWICE when the lock was not locked & no one was around. Couldn't open the door. I know how to turn a door knob successfully enough that I've been able to get through life without staring at a doorknob in wonderment. But this door was keeping me in the potty. Also...when no one was around...the garbage can tipped over on its own. We heard it.

No one would let me pour flour on the floor to catch non-human footprints though. Party poopers.

Lesson #2: If you find out, a mere 1 hour before the retreat, that the intense pain you're having is an inactive yet completely full bowel system...don't announce it.

First, the lady who was not paying attention will think you said you just had lyposuction & poke you to find out where. BUT...the plus side to that was being told I was too skinny to need lypo. So eh, if you need an esteem boost, go for that announcement.

Second, there will be poo jokes coming out the wahzoo (teehee...I'm punny). As in, "Well, you know this too shall pass" & "We always knew you were full of it." You will also see excitement & thumbs up whenever you head for the haunted bathroom. To have to give a thumbs down to people who are peering over each other's shoulders with bated breath waiting for an announcement is very sad. It was like a waiting room full of family members waiting to hear if it's a boy or a girl. Alas, it's neither.

Lesson #3: I always get stuck with the loud (yet extremely fun) cabin. This time it was an actual bedroom in a conference building, but as a kid at church camp, I always was in that cabin. You know, the one the other girls are jealous of 'cause they hear all the giggling & wish they weren't stuck in the "shh...I can't sleep with you breathing & I need 10 straight hours of absolute quiet for my beauty sleep" cabin. I don't believe there's a common denominator there but I'll keep pondering how that happens.

This morning the other bedroom occupants were complaining about the giggling coming from our bedroom until oh, 4 in the morning. Seriously though, that's pure jealousy coming out. And jealousy is not very Christian. We need to work on that, sisters.

Lesson #4: The hubs...the man who can sleep through a car driving through our bedroom wall, knocking him out of bed, onto the cat, who chews through hub's body to freedom, while the dog howls, and the EMTs are axing the driver out of the car...couldn't sleep without me next to him. Okay, none of that has ever happened but if it did he would sleep through it while I blogged about it. He woke up several times during the night to check his phone to see if I'd texted him while he was sleeping.

I think that means he likes me. Or he missed my my Comfy Blanket since I took it with me. Since Comfy Blanket & I are a pair, we'll never know the answer to that.

This is what I was greeted with when I entered my bedroom...

This guy wouldn't even open an eye when I announced "Mommy's home!" Poor Watson, he was so depressed to be without me that he went into a depression coma. Not to be confused with his normal nap.

I have had friends spend the night over the years...visiting from out of town or state, or unable to drive after a night out due to the inconvenience of more ethanol than blood in their body...but I haven't had an actual girly sleep over since I was a teenager. I felt like a kid again! We didn't freeze any bras or hang undies on the flag pole but there's always next year.

Getting time away makes for a happy Mama. Which makes for a happy house. 'Cause if Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.