Don't Let the Mice Eat Your Toes

When my oldest was 5 & #3 was 2, they shared a room. And they were pigs. 'Cause that's how little kids roll. Now one is a neat freak & the other has OCD, go figure. One day their room was just beyond my tolerance level & I told them that if they didn't clean their room, mice would come in the house in the night & eat their toes.

The next time it got out of hand, I told them again the mice will find their toes. Oldest child decided to test me on this. "Mom, how would mice get in there?"
Me: "I don't know. I didn't ask."
Oldest: "I'm calling Grandma."
Little shit.

I'm sure Grandma was not expecting "will mice eat my toes if I don't clean my room" when she answered the phone that day. I'm sure in her head she was thinking, "Oh, Eddi Girl, why do you do this to me?" but instead she said, "Of course, sweetie. You need to clean your room because you want to keep your toes." Go, Mom! I can count on her to back me up on anything, even when she has no clue what she's talking about.

It worked for a while until one day #1 & #3 ganged up on me & refused to clean because they wanted "to see the mice" so they could find out if they're magic mice or field mice (what's a magic mouse??) Let this be a warning that this is what happens when you encourage your children to think for themselves. Learn from my mistake.

They didn't clean. I was annoyed.

The next morning, I was woken up to screaming girls. I flew to their room to find 2 girls, each on their own bed, screaming, blankets up to their necks, heads off the side of their beds, staring at something. Ready for it?

Nemo the Cat had caught a mouse. And dropped it in the middle of their floor next to #3's bed.

"Mommy, we will never not clean our room again! We are so glad Nemo got it before it ate our toes!"

Fast forward a couple years & it's now #3 & #4 that are sharing a room. The ultimate pigs. I swear things multiplied on their floor within seconds. They didn't want their toes eaten, until one day #3 came home from a friend's house with this:
"My friend's room is a pigsty & I counted her toes. She has all of them. I asked her Mom why the mice don't eat my friend's toes. She said she never heard of that."
Me: "Look at me, child. Have I ever lied to you?"
Child: "No."
Me: "That's right. I like your toes & I don't want to see you tip over when you stand up due to not having toes to balance you. Most Mommies don't tell their kids about the mice because they don't want to scare them & give them nightmares. I told you because I wanted you to know. Her Mom probably stays up all night to kill the mice before they get to the bedroom."
Child: "Well, if she has her toes, I'm going to see what happens if I don't clean."
Oh, crap.

No lie...the next morning...a dead mouse on her floor. By her bed.

I told her, "Be thankful we have Nemo. She must want to see you with toes too so she's protecting you."

Fast forward a little bit. Now there's 3 girls sharing a very large room. Do you know what happens when a child has a big ass room? They collect stuff to fill up the space. When there's 3 children in that room, the collections don't stop. The room frequently got out of control.

One day, being very cranky little girls, they told me they didn't want to clean & they didn't believe me anymore.

This was before The Man became Mr. Eddi Girl & he was still naive enough to ask me what I would do. Silly man. He has since learned that I take that question as a challenge. I will come up with something. Thankfully I didn't have to...

A dead mouse on their floor, next to #3's bed, with Nemo the Cat standing guard over it, with a bored look on her face.

That's Nemo's bored face. She's thinking, "Bitch, I had to get up from a nap, stand over a base board for an hour waiting for a rodent...a RODENT...to come out so I could step on it with my fluffy white Princess paw. Then I had to wait next to it for 3 hours while I waited for you to wake up because I knew you would scream your fool head off if I didn't warn you it was here. I'm going to bed."


Seriously. I don't make this up. My Mother & Mr. Eddi Girl are witnesses. Those 3 girls have not had a disaster room since. I think the littlest one is scarred for life.

But hey, they all have their toes. And clean rooms. We're all happy.

Except for Nemo.