I'm Ready For Polygamy

I have a secret girl crush. Okay, that's a lie. It's not a secret. Everyone within 4 blocks of me knows about this crush because if I'm home at 4:00 in the afternoon, I scream through the house, running at 62 mph, and the scattering of small children & pets due to the sudden emergence of spinning legs stomping up to the TV. The 4:00 siren only stops once I get to the TV & am able to turn it on to my great love. Aaaahhhhh. She makes a bad day great. I'm in love with Ellen DeGeneres. Not In Love with her, just in love with her. I want her to come to my house & marry me. She can bring her wife because I've got a husband & odd numbers scare me so it'd be perfect. And it'll be a strictly platonic polygamous marriage because I'm not a lesbian & either is my husband. The four of us. All she has to do is entertain me. Just sit on my couch & entertain me. And let me take her out in public & dance with her because she's the BEST dancer EVER!!

I have another girl crush. Pink. Oh, I love that woman. Have you seen her in interviews? That woman is hilarious. She's pretty, and I love her music. There ya go, she's got it all. She can join our platonic polygamous marriage. She can bring her man along, again with the even numbers so we don't set off my very normal aversion to numbers that can't be paired.

It would be awesome...Pink would sing while Ellen & I dance. Our spouses would sit on the couch & admire me us. The kids would have all these parents around to ignore love them.

Picture source of Pink.
Picture source of Ellen.












Yeah, I found a way for polygamy to work for me. Find women that I love, who are already married, and still keep my husband to myself. If I was an Indian my name would be Does Not Share Well (or Temper To Match Red Hair but that doesn't work in this situation) so this works great for me.

So Ellen & Pink, if you're reading this (and I know you are 'cause you're awesome like that), please marry me. It would have to be a secret marriage because none of what I'm proposing is legal in my state.

And since I know Gerard (Butler for those that aren't on a first name basis with the man) is reading this too...I'm sorry to not propose to you too. I think Hubby would say that's crossing the line there because he knows how In Love with me you are & we don't want you to get jealous. I'm watching out for you, Gerard.

I had to get this picture of Gerard here because the ones of him & I are together are too personal. Or just in my head.

P.S. Ellen & Pink, I hope you ladies aren't allergic to cats or teenagers 'cause I've heard that you can try to get rid of them but they always find their way back home. I'm willing to test that theory though. I mean if you're severely allergic.