Those Darn Kirbies

The hubby has an ex (don't they all) that I have renamed Egg Donor. She likes to do things to make my life challenging. It's an adventure knowing her. If you have a dull life, or are sick of the same old routine, I suggest getting yourself an Egg Donor. It livens up your life in ways you can't even imagine! Before her, I didn't realize how much was missing from my life. Thank you, Egg Donor.

Just a few of the things I didn't know until she joined my life:
~Different versions of the calendar exist. Who knew! My Friday is sometimes her Thursday. Not knowing which day of the week she's talking about is one of our adventures! It's like Christmas every morning, wondering if today is the day she was talking about.
~How many different ways there are to say "Erin." They don't even start with the same sound as, or rhyme with, my name! I love that children repeat everything.
~Potato chips are healthy. Seriously, did you know this? I'm so glad she told me 'cause now I can get several days' worth of veggies in one sitting!
~Spelling & grammar don't matter. In fact, trying to decipher someone's writing is another adventure! It's like those crack the code games from when I was younger.

This week she has topped everything though. She gave my number to the Kirby people. The Kirby people!! I have known Kirby people, and even had one as a friend. They're not bad people. They're not even annoying people. Until you put a Kirby in their hands and tell them to call people.

First off, they forget what the word no means when they call you. Like, it actually leaves their vocabulary. I don't want to waste my cell minutes on repeating, "No, thank you, sir" when they call me. Second, I have this weird thing where I actually don't enjoy sitting through a sales presentation, especially when I'm not in the market to buy said product. I know, it's weird of me.

I have owned a Kirby. I gave it to my ex. I unloaded 2 things at once. It was perfect.

Hubby had a Kirby when we got married. My Dyson won that battle of wits. I gave his Kirby to a nice man who was looking for weights, a vacuum, and a door stop. I showed him how he could get this 1 great item to fill all 3 needs.

Egg Donor said she thought I would like to have someone else clean my carpets for me. Um, no. I have another weird thing where I don't let other people clean my house. Unless it's my Mom. She's the only one that knows how to not trigger my freak outs. Picture on shelf is 1/2" closer to the other picture? Freak out! The vacuum lines in the carpet aren't straight & even? Freak out! You want to pour chemicals in a machine & run it over my carpet & I'm not in control of it? Freak out!

There's no way in hell I'm moving my 125' sectional couch because they will not clean the carpet with it in the room. I have a better place to stick that big couch but that requires Egg Donor to bend over.

I'm not sure how I'll get back at her for this lovely gift of non-stop calls for a product that I detest. Well played, Egg Donor, well played.