Meet My Paginis

I was allowed to remove my catheter this morning, only to have it put back in 4 1/2 hours later. If my oldest child hadn't ratted me out to hubby after I couldn't pee on my own, I would probably still be sitting on the toilet sure I could make myself go. Well, I'd probably sitting here with a burst bladder but whatever. I really did not want that nasty piece of plastic back in my body. But alas, it doesn't always matter what I want.

My surgeon sent me to the closest ER to have a new catheter inserted. My daughter bribed me into the car by promising to rub my feet when I got home. My kids know me all too well; I'll do anything for a foot rub. We get to the ER & I tell the receptionist about my surgery & removing the catheter & not being able to urinate so surgeon sent me to them to have a new catheter put in. Simple enough, right?

Somehow that all got lost in translation because the nurse that eventually came to get me asked me to pee in a cup so they could determine the cause of my burning with urination. I had to sit for 45 minutes waiting. With a bladder holding 1500 cc's that I couldn't empty. After a type of surgery that requires a person to lay because sitting is impossible. Then I get a nurse that can't read. All this equals up to an Eddi Girl who was ready to jab her own bladder with a plastic fork just to get some relief.

Come to find out that a catheter needing to be reinserted happens in 10% of these surgeries. I shouldn't be surprised that I'm not one of the lucky 90%. That wouldn't be exciting!

I named my catheter. Paginis. It's a combo of penis & vagina. It's really neither of those things, but since I have been sentenced to this contraption for the next several days, I felt it should have a name when I'm cursing it. There are certain things I can say about my paginis that you will never hear said about a penis or a vagina:
"I'm sick of carrying this darn paginis."
"Keep the cat away from my big ol' paginis, he'll poke a hole in it!"
"My stupid paginis is a pain in my butt!" (If it was in my butt, I could complain even more about this morning's nurse, but that's not the case.)
"Please don't step on my paginis."
"Oh, look, my paginis needs to be emptied."