Pale Is The New Tan

I had to write my obituary as a final project for Developmental Psychology. We had criteria of course for what had to be included in the obit. Things like our goals, ambitions, hopes, dreams, and what we think our future will be like...will our kids be married with children, where & how we die, etc. It was fun to think of these things.

My dream is to live in Ireland and be with my people. When I finally find the clan I belong to I will be understood by all the other red headed see through Caspers. I will no longer have to announce, "Pale is the new tan" or "One day my freckles will connect & I'll finally be tan." Picking where I died was easy...in my home in Dublin, Ireland.

I picked a cheesy "passed away in her sleep" as how I died but what I really wanted to say was, "Erin passed away peacefully in her sleep unlike everyone else in the car she was driving."

I gave each of my children 4-6 children of their own. I've learned that wishes that parents make really do come true. My Dad always said, "Erin, I hope you have one just like you." Now he says, "I told you to have one like you, not four." So I'm wishing each of my children has a bounty of clones.

There is a rumor going around our small town that our 6' privacy fence is to hide our nudist colony. It all started when someone asked me why we built the fence. Instead of saying, "Uh, duh, why do people build privacy fences? For privacy, dingbat" I said, "For the nudists." (When a guy I dated before I met Mr. Eddi Girl called & asked when I became a nudist, just 2 hours after I told 1 person this, I realized how much fun I can have with Small Town Rumor Mill.)

In my obit I was going to put, "Erin moved to Dublin, Ireland, to realize her lifelong dream of an Irish nudist colony." Then I got to thinking...I would have to offer sunscreen (SPF 75 of course) in little huts all over the colony. And I'd have to hire people to man the sunscreen huts. And I know nothing about Irish labor laws so I'd have to hire an attorney to make sure I'm not taking advantage of my beautifully pale employees (or how to keep them quiet so that I can take advantage of their hours & pay). And I'd need to put in a security system in each little hut so the sunscreen doesn't get stolen. That's a lot of money I would have to put out to run this nudist colony. I'm just not in the mood to be that financially tied into helping people show off how the good Lord blesses the Irish body.

And then I had visions of naked leprechauns squeezing through the iron bars on my huts, in the middle of the night, to steal my cash registers. I don't want that hassle. Leprechauns are hard to catch and they can be really mean when money is involved (I saw that true accounts film about a poor little kidnapped leprechaun )

I asked the hubby man what my dreams & goals are, in case he knew me better than I know myself, which is often the case. He said, "To live in Ireland. To be a nurse in Ireland. To marry Gerard Butler in Ireland." Aw, he really does know me.

(I'd settle for Gerard to be my pool boy...)