Baby, It's Hot Outside

There's a lot of things I don't like, but today I've chosen a few to focus on. Humidity. Low blood pressure that drops even lower and makes me swollen in the humidity. Hot flashes in the summer. This is my day today.
Because I hate all of those things, I decided I'm moving to Antarctica. Into an igloo. With a bed made of ice blocks. I'll sleep with the penguins (which is nothing like "sleeping with the fishes"). It'll take care of the humidity-causing swelling & I'll have access 24/7 to ice during a menopausal hot flash. Voila! I'm a genius.
I realized my thinking was flawed when my Mom pointed out that my kids' Dad won't let them move that far away. She then asked me where the hubby man will sleep if I'm sleeping on ice. Oops, sorry babe, my desire for comfort was very selfish because I forgot about you. I'll build the hubs an incubator.
I just have to get my kids' Dad to agree to us moving out of the country, and I've got the perfect set up. And get US Cellular to put up a tower by my new home for me. I'll make the cats little boots so they don't freeze their paws on my ice floor. Nice fur-lined ones so they think they were born with them. They would chase the laces so I'd have to use velcro to keep the boots on. I wouldn't need a fridge to keep my Coke cold. And the kids could have icees whenever they want by just shaving off pieces of the neighboring iceburg. I'll buy them ice picks with their initials on them. If someone sprains an ankle, I'll just hold their foot up to the side of my house. Instant ice pack where ever you are in the igloo.
I see many benefits to my new home.