That's Me

That's Me

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

School Break

I studied my butt off all quarter long. 

I studied on

Every day of vacation.

So much studying. 
Will this
ever end??

I was exhausted, I was emotional, and I was desperate to have my life back.

"No, baby, I'm totally..." 

"Talk fast, I'm quickly

"Just let me finish this one
last sent..."

"I'm just resting my eyes
because they're worn out."

I missed my family as I worked long hours with a 3-hour round trip commute.

 Look at me, I fake being
wide awake pretty well. 

"Don't fall asleep at
this stop light. Don't
fall asleep."
Talk to me about covering 
bags under the eyes. 
I've become an expert. 

 There were moments of questionable sanity.

"Say cheese, Sim Man..."
I handed my studying over 
to a sleeping cat.

There were those in my life who kept me focused on what was most important. 

Watson made sure he was never neglected. 

Nemo had her own way
of begging for attention. 
"I brought you a toy, now let's play."

Entertainment from
a child & a cat.

"You're just sitting
there with a book.
You can pet me."

I couldn't have done it without my wonderful children being so understanding and helpful.

"Blondie, can you get me a Coke with ice
while I work on this?" 

I couldn't have done it without my wonderfully supportive hubby. 

Throughout this quarter, we went through a rough period that every honest couple can relate to. It was not easy for us as we were highly stressed, had no time for each other, and allowed little things to become big arguments. There were days we could set aside the stress and have fun together and others where we weren't fans of the other and did our own thing. We fought over stupid stuff that really didn't matter and didn't know what to do about the things that did matter. Even when we tried to fix something we just made it worse, because we were both so exhausted that we didn't have the energy to listen to what the other needed. It was not the marriage that either of us wanted and it wasn't us. It was difficult to think this is what we had become, that this was the new us. Deep down beyond it all, I knew that we still loved each other; we just forgot how to show it and did everything wrong until we were so far from right that I was unsure we'd ever find it again.

Until my mentor said to me, "Every day is a choice. Every day he chooses to be with you because he loves you. Now you can choose to let go of things or you can choose to hold onto them and be unhappy..." I made my choice on the way home from talking to her. I chose to see the small stuff for what it was: petty and unimportant, and I let it go. We took some time to ourselves to talk about the stuff that did matter. And listen. And old issues were resolved.

Our commitment to each other is the only thing that got us to the other side and being able to show and feel love again. Stress is a powerful, horrible parasite that sucks the life out of a person and a relationship, if it is not addressed immediately. Thankfully, we didn't let stress kill our marriage and I learned a lot about how strong we are. I know if we can survive the stress of this quarter, which was at a level I never imagined possible, I know we can handle anything, together.

Each "way to go, Mom" from my kids and "I'm proud of you" from my parents has helped me through more bad days than I can count. My friends and family have been a huge support through this quarter as I questioned whether I was strong enough to deal with everything along with my crippling Evil Back. They held me together when I literally could not stand on my own. 

All of my hard work and dedication paid off as I earned the highest grade in the class for the most difficult course in nursing school. From the first day of school, the instructors, deans, and former students make sure you're aware that this particular class will paraphrase...hell, and not everyone passes the first time they take it. That is why I am so proud to say that I completed this quarter with a 4.0. I feel sad for my friends that didn't pass and it made it bittersweet for me as I kept my own happiness quiet. I wish they could have congratulated me on my hard earned grade, since they know how difficult it was to accomplish. 

I am so very proud of myself and grateful for all the support I received. In just a few short months, I will graduate as a nurse and these days will all be memories. 

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