That's Me

That's Me

Friday, October 12, 2012


No matter what I do, I always think, "Will this make my children proud?" & "Is this something I want to model to my children?"

This post is an apology to 2 people who have meant a great deal to me. These people supported me when I needed it & were always there for me. I feel that this couple deserves a public apology & this is as public as I can get.

I'm not publicly apologizing to draw attention to me, but to show this couple how truly sorry I am for hurting them. And to show my children that I stand behind what I tell them, that we always apologize when it's needed.

I did what I did with the information I had at the time & with others all too happy to point the fingers at this couple. I was protecting my family & while the intent was appropriately Mama Bear, it was misplaced on 2 people that did not deserve such a harsh response from me.

When I was a single Mama, I met a couple who I ended up naming my Work Parents. They were literally a shoulder to cry on in bad times & celebrate with me in good times. They loved me. They loved my children. They were not just friends, they were additional parents to me.

I called them my Work Parents because I met them through my job. At that time I was a waitress & they were my customers. They quickly went from customer status to friend status.

When I met my now-husband & was dating him, they were not happy. They had hopes that I would fall in love with their son & that just didn't happen. I know they were disappointed & I think that clouded their view of any of the guys I dated.

When our engagement was announced, they did everything they could to convince anyone that it was a bad idea. I don't know what their reason for this was, but it hurt. They could not support me in my new relationship & said many hurtful things to others about us.

It was difficult for me to maintain a friendship with anyone who was talking about the 2 of us, or just him, in a negative light of lies. My husband did things when he was younger that he's not proud of. But so have a lot of people. I chose to see beyond that & see him as who he is now & who those experiences made him. I believe everyone should be given that chance until proven that they haven't changed. This couple could not do that.

While my relationship with them was more than a tad bit rocky, another person entered the picture to mess things up a wee bit.

I was babysitting this Other Person's kids while she worked. She never showed up on time to get her children & would stay at work for extra hours without asking me first. I would frequently have her children for 12+ hours at a time, sometimes 24+ hours at a time. While Other Person was making overtime (& since I used to work where she worked, I knew how much that was), I was not.

My then-fiance & I would make plans & have to break them because Other Person didn't show up on time to pick up her kids. After hours of trying to reach her on her cell & at work, she would finally show up or tell me I would have them for several more hours.

One evening, the hubby got angry & told her exactly what he thought about this situation & that she would not be taking advantage of me any longer. From now on, if she was late, I was also going to be making overtime.

Fast forward a few days & Other Person has told everyone what a controlling person I was with & they should all ban together to break us up.

Fast forward a month & I'm running around my house like a mad woman preparing for my Wedding Rehearsal that night. I was filling my truck with boxes upon boxes & luggage upon luggage. All the things I would need for that night, the Wedding the next day, & our Honeymoon immediately after. I was on a strict schedule for the day & after I was done filling the truck, I was going to jump in the shower & change for the Rehearsal Dinner.

Ah, strict schedules are nothing if they don't have something to ruin them, are they?

A knock on the door turned my day upside down.

It was a CPS (Child Protective Services) worker. Someone had called in a complaint of outrageous lies about my fiancee & me. These lies included: he sexually molested my oldest daughter, he controlled me, I was illegally taking narcotics, we both drank to excess every evening, I neglected & abused my children because I was so focused on my fiancee, my house was filthy & smelled horribly, & other equally as vicious claims.

When these charges were said to me, I literally collapsed on the floor. Not one of them was true. I showed her my prescription bottle for the narcotics, given to me because I'd just had multiple surgeries & was still healing. We answered all of her questions & showed her around the house.

My children had all, unbeknownst to me, individually been taken aside by the CPS worker, a police officer, & the school guidance counselor. They were questioned & I found out later it was a possibility (if their answers indicated any of the claims to be correct) that they wouldn't have come home to me that afternoon. My children aren't stupid & knew what being questioned by all of these people at once meant. They were terrified & all of them were so happy to see me when they got home.

The CPS worker told us that all of my children answered the questions the same exact way & I gave the same answers they had. The kids had told her that I take medicine when I hurt from the surgeries. They told her that they had never seen us drink. They told her that he isn't controlling or a molester.

The CPS worker determined that none of the report was true, wrote in her report that our home was very clean, tidy, & did not smell at all, & she closed the case.

Fast forward to after my Honeymoon. I had Other Person & 2 more Other Persons, who also knew my Work Parents filling me in on the reasons why my Work Parents were the ones who called CPS with these claims. It all made sense. At the time.

After I calmed down...months & months later...I started reexamining everything. I read the report (which was determined unsubstantiated) over & over. I thought back to words Other Person had used when she was angry with the hubs. I thought back to how she was very excited to point fingers at Work Parents. I thought back to how she made sure to have others also point fingers in their direction. I thought back to how she had been angry with another person in the recent past & made the same exact claims to CPS just to hurt that person. I thought back to how Other Person had suddenly had to move 2 hours away, the day after the phone call to CPS was made (which didn't seem to be a coincidence at the time). I thought back to how Work Parents were still cordial to my kids, hubby, & me whenever we ran into each other. I thought back to how Other Person suddenly disappeared from my life.

It slowly became clear to hubby & I that Other Person had called in the report & had used my Work Parents as her scapegoat.

Hindsight is 20/20 & all that. When I added it all up, it was all too clear. But being in the midst of it & being so hurt & so stressed by it, I was not seeing clearly. Until I looked at it with different, calmer eyes.

This post has been months in the making. I don't have a problem admitting I'm wrong when necessary. I definitely don't have a problem apologizing when it's needed. I never want to intentionally hurt those I love. This took so long because I wasn't sure how to apologize & I agonized over how to get it all across. How truly, truly sorry I am for hurting my Work Parents.

When I emailed them that I never wanted to hear from them again & to never speak to my children again & how hurt I was, I was doing so out of extreme pain. And extreme shock over them causing me such pain.

Now I would like to say, Work Parents, I am so sorry for accusing you of that phone call that hurt my children, my husband, & me. I hope you can accept this apology & see the love behind it.

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